The end to all madness.....

31 days...long 31 days..I can't remember those days, or, i don't like to remember those days...It seems like i had been through the worst days of my life... One more day's stay at home would have taken me to a cell in a mental hospital. When you begin to hate the place you love the most- the place you can't live without, there is no much worse nightmare that could disrupt your peaceful sleep. While i pulled the choke of my bike  at 4'o clock in early morning, even my bike felt the difference of this journey. Today,  I won't bemoan, i wont cry....I won't spend any time, opening my bookshelf and talking to my diary in desperation; today, i celebrate my Independence day.....

My recollection of last outing was the journey to airport to see off my siblings. Since then i had been staying in my house. I went outside only for one reason- purchase, purchase and more purchase... Naturally you would question me- aren't these shopping and purchases a kind of outing?..... Well, i have a different perspective; may be its due to the different style and purpose of my purchase. All these days, i was dealing with switch gears, MCB's, router bits, drill bits, latches, hinges, screws with inch thread and millimetre threads and so on. As i had a bike, my dad always found me as the job fit man... Obeying the call of duty, i would kick start my bike, and disappear, leaving a thick cloud of smoke behind. Dealing with hardware were easy. I just need to be a delivery boy. But finding the apt electrical components for motors and starters in my workshop was a bit cumbersome. Most of them are 16 years old. Most of the companies upgraded their products, and i had the difficult task of matching the specifications. Going from shops to shops was not such an easy task. Some would say no at the first instant. Some would make us wait for a long time and come up with the same answer. Some would keep arguing to somehow sell their product. In case i purchase a wrong component, i will have to take the same course next day to replace it. So when the day ends, i might return home spending few gallons of petrol burnt for no reason. Through out these shopping days, i have never met a man with humanity... And when i am back, its always dad who blames me for not replacing the broken roof tiles above the store room, or ant other kind of household activities...

One day, my hostel mates planned a 3 days' trip. Perhaps the last one we all could go together. The trip was planned to end few days before my nephew's baptism. I promised that i would do all my duties before going, and gave word to be in time. I got permission. Two days before, it was my mom who started the argument. She said i had an accident a year back when my niece was born. I had been to my college's annual tour when my nephew was born, and i had to attend my bloody university examination on the day of my sister's wedding- such a unfortunate brother. In fact, she was coming to the point that i won't be at home when my family needs me the most. My sister got it sustained. Finally agreed to cancel my trip, but refused to call my friends. So mom took the duty of convincing the co-ordinators. Even though mom spoke politely, the person on the other end took it like an order obeyed by loyal servant.. They cancelled it for my convenience. Great friends. Aren't they?...

Things were getting changed by now, and i felt an indifference, the day when my dad gave a wired look when i said that i had been to reunion of my +2 batch.Now once my sister left me i thought it might be easy to convince mom about the next schedule. It was during the beginning of monsoon, and fever was a trend in every house. My mom was the first victim. I presented this topic while she was recovering. In a split second, she broke into tears. One by one, she unfolded her frustrations. With my tiny tots gone, there was pin drop silence at home. I was engaged in blogging and reading. She had no one to speak, and she even complained that i seemed to be silent over a while, and she was not feeling at home. Each of her words more or less meant the same- u don't behave like a perfect son, a perfect brother, and a perfect student. And when i took the phone to tell my friends that i could not convince mom for the trip, the silence on other end seemed to tell me, that i was not a perfect friend.........

So i am not - a perfect son, a perfect brother, a perfect student and a perfect friend...Then what the hell am I?.... I began to behave rudely. I became quick tempered, and totally lost my self control. Sometimes i feel that i don't belong to this house, or else the house doesn't belong to me. Those are the most difficult moments one could ever have. I had only one thing to do. I open my bookshelf whenever i feel homesick.  I gaze my earthly treasures- my diaries, my autograph book, my philately kit, and a clamshell gifted to me by a friend. I tell them strange stories. They all listen in silence. And when i am finished, my mind calms like never before. I couldn't read, blog, or write anything. I was getting detiriorated. Days passed, like years....

Yesterday, i received a call from my friend. They were arranging a get together at their houses. I was also invited. I asked for the permission while i was driving home after a purchase with dad and mom. Sundays are packed with functions.  I was ready to sacrifice all my engagements to be present at their homes. While dad came up with a slight  disagreement, my feet unknowingly pressed the gas, and the car screeched forward. It was mom who came up with the suggestion to let me go, or else i would be alone in the crowd (get me another phrase); she said. Dad agreed to it. My joy knew no boundaries...I was being happy after a long 31 days..... I was a bit thoughtful too. What will be my friends attitude?....I am the one who always screw up their trips...

Thats were the difference lies. True friends are the same, no matter, whatever comes in between. They understand, and behave. So am i a perfect friend?....well i think yes, but i think i have to wait till time and place coincides.... At some other point i would prove myself to be a perfect son, a perfect brother, and a perfect student.....To trigger this good hope, all it took was the presence of my friends, a short ride on my bike to catch the first bus and meet them at the earliest.....